Do you ever feel like you are juggling 50 balls at once? Well, if so (haven't we all felt this way at one point or another?) you know how I've felt pretty much all summer long!
That constant struggle of pleasing others vs. pleasing yourself. Trying to do it all is impossible (I know this...but why do I still strive for it?) I've worn a happy face, despite feeling slightly deprived on the inside.
I love everything about my life, but this summer I've completely forgotten about taking time for myself. I've juggled all the balls, but dropped the big one (and probably one of the most important ones!) ME. Its taken me a few weeks to realize that for the past 2-3 months I've been doing too much other "stuff" and not enough for myself. I forgot to be semi-selfish and take time for me, myself and I. I think it's so easy for us mom's to forget to take time and up until a few months ago I used to be SO good about making sure I snuck in some me time here or there, even if it was just 15 minutes to write a blog post or check my email. But given our recent circumstances for hubby's job, moving across states, running a part time etsy boutique, and being a full-time (single parenting on the weekdays) mommy it has left me with ZERO me time.
*insert emotional break down*
Also, which doesn't help the current situation I'm the type of person that feels guilty pawning my child off on someone else, even if they are family or friends. Internally I feel guilty because society tells us we are supposed to be able to do everything (be a great mom, wife, sister, friend, daughter, housekeeper, employee or boss, ect. ect.) without relying on others (or maybe that's just my personal thought...I don't like relying on others.) THUS, the never ending challenge of trying to do it all by yourself which never ends well. Especially being a stay at home/work at home mom means its so easy to find "work" even in the quiet moments (pretty much just nap time around here) which has since been dedicated to working and filling jewelry orders for the past 3 months. I love that this little business has taken off but I HATE that precious time (1-3 pm) which used to be my quiet time is now consumed with working. Thus leaving no quiet time to re-group my thoughts and take a deep breath, it's been constant go-go-go all summer.
After much input and support from my family I've decided once a week to take an afternoon off (thankful to have my family around to help). It's not going to be anything too strict, but simply a few hours to get out by myself (maybe just go hang out in the magazine section at wal mart... sort of embarrassed to say I used to do that often, haha!) or just pick up my bible and read (used to do that too, but have found that was one of the things that slipped through the cracks when my "me" time got short.) Mostly, just a few hours to re-group and re-focus on what's really important.
I wrote this post in hopes that maybe there is another stay at home mother out there feeling the same way? Bogged down with the everyday chores of life trying to do it all without relying on someone or anyone else. Trying to be super-woman without wearing a cape.
I hope this post gives you the okay to know that it's totally normal and acceptable to have some help from others (as the saying goes, it takes a village to raise a child!) Maybe simply re-prioritizing will free up some time in your day for some me time. I know for myself my summer has been maxed out and there wasn't really anything I could do about it. But for the rest of summer (through the end of August) I am cutting back on my etsy shop (it'll still be open, just less re-listing of items) for the time being. I really just want to embrace the rest of summer and enjoy my baby (who is turning 2 in a month and half! yikes!).
I want to enjoy the quiet moments as much as the busy moments and embrace all that God wants me to be as wife and mother!